Unless you live under a rock you must be very aware of the
latest “new age” trend: learn to love yourself. Apparently, after a frantic
search for ourselves, what we found didn’t please us but it’s too late now so
we have to work on accepting and loving it. Don’t get me wrong – I think
self-love is a very important element of a healthy person.
So I put up with
slogans like this one:
Or this one:
And even this:
I see them on posters, canvases, t-shirts, mugs,
advertisements, etc. So it wasn’t at all something to stare at when I noticed a
crowd gathered around a man in Union Square, NYC, holding a side of cardboard
box that read: “Love yourself as you are!”
Upon closer inspection, however, I noticed some subtle
differences between this fellow and some other slogan bearers. He was stripped
down to a measly pair of green underwear. His hair was long and unkepmt (I figured he was homeless and decided to
decorate the walls of his house, i.e., his taken-apart cardboard box) and he was
dancing while blowing awful sounds from a cheap noise maker. Perhaps most
amusing of all, was the slogan that rested near him, which I noticed as I came
closer. It read: “Don’t be afraid of your farts.”
Seriously?? I should love myself and a great way to do that
was to not be afraid of my own farts?! What’s there to be afraid of? That my
pantyhose are too tight and my ankles will swell? If I fart a little too
enthusiastically I might lift off the ground? Or perhaps the biggest fear –
someone will notice black smoke in the exact form of my just released gas? I
have news for you folks: I have yet to hear anyone complain that they are
afraid of their own farts… Even on the “Mental Illness Happy Hour” podcast,
where the host and his guest exchange real, dark and deep fears, no one has ever
come close to mentioning fear of flatulence.
But here’s the thing: although you should never be afraid of
your own farts, others must beware! Your fart, released on unsuspecting
innocents can become a serious weapon given the right circumstances. I can
almost guarantee you, that if you used this weapon of mass distraction, it will
not increase your self-love. Au contraire. You will lose a few friends
which will in turn cause your self-esteem to plumet. And no amount of slogans
can cure a self-loathing born out of knowing you’ve caused another person to
wonder where the dead body is hiding.
The vagabond was right. Don’t be afraid of your own farts.
We all do it. But don’t expect them to increase your self-compassion either.
You will love yourself when you fart, as much as you would love anther who
thought it would be a good idea to cut the cheese just as you
were about to take a forkfull of lunch…
Catch my drift?
