For those who know me, it’s not surprising to hear me say, “No, I won’t give that to my kids. It’s not even “real” food. It’s more like poison and I care too much about my kids to allow them to eat it.”
It wasn’t
always like that. I was once a sugar junkie myself. Nothing was too sweet for
me. (Maybe with the exception of that awful orange stuff they make you drink
during pregnancy when they want to test for gestational diabetes.) I would dip
pretzels in marshmallow fluff, I added too much sugar to my tea and I could eat
an entire pint of ice-cream. Myself. In one sitting.
Sugar wasn’t
the only food sin I committed. I ate my fair share of hot-dogs, white bread,
pizza and other cheesy foods, pasta, canned goods, processed foods,
over-processed food, instant crap… I think you get the picture.
Then one day
it changed. I had to give up sugar due to migraines with severe vertigo. I gave
up dairy because of intolerances. I read a book. I read another. Slowly, over a
few years my thinking changed. I began to actually believe that food companies
are out for their own profit margins (gasp!) and don’t care much about the
health of the consumer. Doctors don’t know everything (gasp! gasp!) and that I
better educate myself about my choices.
I began
cooking more, using less processed foods and introduced alternative healing
(mainly in the form of homeopathy) to my family. And of course I eliminated
“bad” sugar from my house. No more laffy taffys, no more cry babies (the candy
kind), no more licorice, no more Mike and Ikes… Basically no more of anything
that contains food coloring, corn syrup and other major no-nos. Candy was
relegated to Shabbos only and strictly what I allowed into the house. There
were few exceptions.
If you’re
cringing right now thinking of my poor kids, I can understand. Although I
thought then, and still maintain now, that they are much better off sans all
that junk food, the way I went about it was not especially effective, to say
the least. I was on a mission! I went a little meshuge and tapped into the OCD
that, I believe, lies dormant in every mother - for sure Jewish ones.
To some
degree it was mission accomplished. I managed to purge lots of garbage from our
diet. At the same time I also eliminated lots of my own sanity and introduced
my kids to real misery. If you ask my kids what the definition of misery is
they’ll probably tell you, it’s when other kids are eating something that looks
and smells delicious but you’re not allowed to have it :(
If you’re
about to cry right now thinking of my poor kids, just wait. It gets better…
Picture a teacher giving out a treat to her students for something they earned
and they tell my child, “Sorry, you can’t have. You mother doesn’t let… But I
got you this prize instead!” Or picture my child receiving a candy or treat and
then handing it over to me… Now you can release the tears.
(The issue
with teachers giving out junk in school is a whole ‘nother matter. Not for this
post. And if I’m already inserting parentheses - just to defend myself a little,
although it doesn’t compensate much, I did offer a “buy back” program, where I
paid them for the candy or traded it in for “healthier” junk.)
I can really
go on and on about all the psychological damage I did. I am the queen of
self-deprecation. It hurts to even think about it, let alone admit it but I
will take a deep breath and get to the point…
A little
while my 11 year old daughter saw me in the hallway in school. She showed me a
can of Pringles and explained that her teacher had bought all the students a
slurpee as a reward but since she knew I did not allow my children to have
soda, she got my daughter Pringles instead. It was thoughtful of that teacher
to replace the slurpee and I appreciate that she just wanted to respect my
wishes but one look at my daughter’s face and I knew I was doing it all wrong.
I had gotten
so caught up with worrying about my children’s immediate physical condition
that I ignored the more important aspect of their health – their emotional
wellbeing. As much as I hate what food coloring does in the body, I began to
realize that trying to control it all is just as damaging and in a way,
worse. Their longing for sweets and nosh
that their classmates were eating was driving them to sneak candy and try to
get it any which way they could. How can that be considered healthy?
If we try so
hard to keep junk out of our homes and lives, we have to ask ourselves: is this
at the expense of our children’s (and our!) emotional health as well? If the
answer is yes, then it’s time to rethink it. If your children are happy not
having junk and they don’t try to sneak it, then your kids are weird. Just
kidding. Good for you!
As for me,
I’ve learned to let go of trying to control it all. If they receive candy as a
prize and they want it, I look the other way. If they are at a party and there
is lots of yummy nosh that they don’t have at home, I tell them to enjoy. Am I
worried that it will do them physical harm? Yes. But it’s worth the tradeoff.
(Except for soda. I haven’t let go of that one yet. Hey, we’re all human…)
At the same
time, I continue to keep junk food out of my house. I try to counterbalance the
garbage with hearty meals, bone broth, vitamins and of course, homeopathy J
And at the end of the day, when I let go, I am just turning it over to
Hashem. He and I both know that I am simply doing the best I can.
Now where
did I put my piece of chocolate…?
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