(In case you’re wondering what the 4 Cs have to do with what
I’ve written, read until the end to find out…)
Today was
day #4 of my kids being home from school, thanks to Chanukah vacation, which we
love! So we did something we haven’t done as a family in quite some time: we
went out and spent a very pleasant day together. Central Park, NYC, to the
subway system, the grand Menorah lighting at 5th Ave… All in all we
had a truly enjoyable time. We ended our day at Deli Kasbah restaurant. For
anyone not familiar with Deli Kasbah, it’s a pretty nice place located in the
upper west side of Manhattan. What makes it unique to kosher restaurants is the
constant video of the Lubavitcher Rebbe playing, the free dessert you receive
when you recite a D’var Torah (word of Torah) to the waiter and a written D’var
Torah placed at each table so that the diners can have an opportunity to
transform the setting into something holy.
All this is
a long winded way of relating what I had read on that paper that I really
appreciated and will share in my own words:
In this week’s Torah portion we read how Yosef cried on Binyomin’s
shoulder and Binyomin cried on Yosef’s shoulder. Rashi comments that Yosef cried
“…for the two Temples which were destined to be in Binyomin’s territory and, in
the end, will be destroyed.” And Binyomin cried “…for the Tabernacle of Shiloh which
was destined to be in Yosef’s territory and in the end will be destroyed.”
This sounds
a little silly. If Yosef and Binyomin each have their woes and future troubles,
shouldn’t they cry for their own? Why are they instead, so busy crying for each
other??
And here’s
the best lesson one can learn: when dealing with your own issues, mishaps,
troubles, failings, etc., sitting and crying is not the real answer. I am not
suggesting you ignore the emotions. Those are important to recognize, notice
and most importantly, to validate. But then we need to move on from there.
Sitting and moping or kvetching is not going to solve or change things. We may
not have lapels with which to pick ourselves up by, but we each have an inner
power from Hashem. We need to harness that strength and use it to try to better
the situation to whatever extent possible.
However, when it comes to our friend’s problems,
the opposite is true… We need to recognize that it is NOT in our power to solve
another’s problems nor to change them. As much as we’d like to think we know
exactly what it is they require in order to make everything better, it’s not
our prerogative to do so. (Very often, our needing to solve others’ issues is
just a way of ignoring our own anyway…) When it comes to our fellow man (or
woman), we need compassion and only compassion. We need to cry. We need to exercise
all of our kindness, consideration, empathy, etc. We cannot tell them the same
things we tell ourselves because we are not in control of what they choose as
we are with ourselves! When their issues will get solved is only in their
hands, if and when they are ready…
When it
comes to others remember the 4 Cs:
You didn’t
Cause it! You can’t Control it! You can’t Cure it!
But you can offer a whole lot of true Compassion
And you know
something? When we can practice the 4 Cs, we actually make life a lot easier –
for ourselves as much as those around us.
Trust me, I
practice every day…
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